I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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