Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
