i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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