the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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