I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
she peed on how many people?
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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