I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
