Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I'm at about main and main street
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
