You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Randomize
