Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
