Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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