Where did you get a picture of my penis
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
