Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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