I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
