moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
