we made out on top of his cat.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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