i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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