i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
