I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
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