Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
