I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
