Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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