I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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