I wish life had little blips of pornography
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
