I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
