Christians are straight up FREAKS
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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