I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
it's great music for shaving your balls
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
