Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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