How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Are my feet made of real feet?
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
