You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
i dont even know how to be here
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I need to sanitize my soul.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Randomize
