just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
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