I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
