The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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