My Higher Power is John Stamos
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
