fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
wakey wakey hands off snakey
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
