My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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