Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
