I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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