All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Sext me about skeletons
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
