Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
