Me. At least after what I've been through.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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