Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
We left an ass print on the piano.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
