Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
