Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
