he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
