When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
How does one acquire holy water?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
