Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Randomize
