True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I'm just crazy horny about you
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
