I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
