I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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