too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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