last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
