So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I think a kid would responsible me up
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
