I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
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